After 10 years of marriage, I found out my husband had been abusing prescription pills throughout our entire marriage. He stole pills from my family, and the last time I caught him, it was from my best friend. At that moment, I was shattered. 

We were faithful Christians. We met at Bible college and pursued ministry together. Void of the joy that typically marked my life, I had to move on. I had three kids depending on me and one on the way. So, my knees hit the ground as I pleaded with the Lord to restore what was broken. I asked Him to sustain me as my life fell apart in a way I never suspected.

Unfortunately, grief doesn’t fit nicely in a box. It permeates every area of our lives. As a self-proclaimed compartmentalization genius, I wanted to shove this down and avoid it. But that's now how grief works. I walked around hollow, everything in my life marred by the ending of a marriage I thought would last until my dying breath. Instead, I found myself rebuilding from day one. I felt helpless, hopeless. 

Often, I share how the body of Christ sustained me in this time. They were the ones who held me when I couldn't even breathe. 

But they couldn't have helped if I didn't share. 

Opening up the most grotesque parts of our life to trusted friends made room for sacred healing. And so, Mike and I healed… separately.

When I reflect on that time, I am so thankful for the foundation I had in the God I could trust. It's difficult to put on a life vest as the boat gets obliterated by a bomb. But being prepared ahead of time allowed me to fall back on the character of Christ. He wasn't cruel. He didn't do this to mock or destroy me. There was a purpose, and He promised He would carry me through it and work it for my good. In the early days, I couldn't fathom how that could be true, but I knew I had to trust that the Lord had a bigger plan. So, I chose to walk in obedience, trusting that He was going before me and making a way–maybe not for restoration in marriage but most assuredly for restoration in Christ. 

Somehow, by God's grace alone, Mike did the work as well. He sought restoration for himself and fought to get us back, too. He started Celebrate Recovery and began the process of tearing down all the walls he had built. He started, for the first time in his life, sharing 100% of the ugliest truths of his life. He was vulnerable with the men in his life and shared with me when he was tempted to use again. Then, bit by bit, small piece by even smaller piece, restoration began. 

Four years later, by the Lord's kindness alone, we're walking in healing. 

Truly, you can too–in Christ alone. 

Contributed by: Paige Guzman
 

Reflection:

1. Today’s devotional talks about having a foundation in God before facing the storm. In your life, how have you seen the strength (or lack) of your spiritual foundation play a role in how you navigate crises?
    
2. Opening up “the most grotesque parts” of life to trusted friends often leads to healing. What areas of your life might God be inviting you to open up to safe people for healing?
    
3. As this story demonstrates, healing is often slow and incremental. In what ways have you seen God at work in the small steps of healing in your life, even if the full restoration is not yet complete?